This post is a continuation to my previous two posts, so read them first for context
I ended off my previous post with the following:
“My question became: is the information really lost and gone? Or is me fearing to lose it only manifesting my inability to be able to access the information? Common sensically speaking – everything is HERE – everything I’ve ever looked at, thought or heard is here. Just the fact that memories can be triggered that I ‘thought’ I had forgotten or hadn’t thought about in years – they can suddenly be here/fresh in my mind. Or even ‘experiences’ – where I will all of a sudden experience myself THE EXACT WAY I experienced myself in a moment in my childhood – and I’ll be able to ‘place’ the experience, knowing exactly when/where I experienced myself that way, even if nothing ‘noteworthy’ happened in that moment. The detail of those memories or remembered experiences is so absolute – and I didn’t actively ‘memorize’ them. So – I realized it’s not that information goes missing or gets lost, it’s how I have accepted the idea and belief that it can only be accessed in certain ways – where, the information needs to be ‘triggered’ or I have to actively ‘think about it’ over and over again so that it is easily accessible. “
In realizing that everything is here and realizing that my ‘trying to remember information’ was done from a starting point of fear, I saw that the solution was to let go. Let go – meaning: stop trying to hold on, because if I hold on out of fear of losing it, then I’m creating the experience of ‘loss’. Here, I fought with myself a little – because in a way, I didn’t ‘trust’ that everything was here – I could see that it makes sense, but… what if I just don’t remember anything??? Lol. It was one of those situations where – if I wanted to find out what happens – I had to just do it.
What helped was to see the potential: If the information is here and my mind has a ‘feature’ of reminding me of things – like it already does – but that I’m currently not using very effectively – then… the potential exists to become the directive principle of this ‘reminder’ feature by deciding when I need to be reminded of information, letting it go – and when the reminder comes up – to direct the point. Very similarly, to how you would program reminders in your phone or on your computer. The deciding to remember is equivalent to ‘programming in a reminder’ in your phone/pc – you’ve ‘set your alarm’ – and now you can rest assured that you will be notified of the task or point when you need to be. There’s no need to constantly check your phone/pc that the alarm/reminder is still set – you just move on with your day and when the alarm goes off, you tend to it.
For this to work – I also had to take on my reactions every time something would pop up in my mind that I need to remember. Because, of course, if I’m going to react emotionally to the reminders – then I’m in a way sending a signal to myself that ‘I don’t like these reminders’ - and so, sabotaging the effectiveness of the reminders coming up.
So, these are the points I’m walking at the moment. I’m currently using a mix of writing things down and ‘setting internal reminders’ – which is really just making the decision to be reminded at the right time. And herein – working to stop my fear of forgetting as well as stopping my emotional reactions to remembering something. Another point I saw in walking the corrections is that I need to be clear about the projects/tasks I’m setting internal reminders for – if there is any resistance/not wanting to/fear/dread in relation to it, then I’m also sabotaging my reminder system – it has to be ‘clean’ so to speak – no emotions, no reactions – just directing information within myself.
So far, it’s been quite an interesting walk – more and more seeing the reminders come up within me and instead of going into reactions, being grateful and seeing that the timing of the reminder was quite specific. If the timing is not specific, then I know I need to check what my relationship is to the particular task/project, where I secretly ‘wanted to forget’. Overall I’ve noticed my stress levels have reduced quite nicely already. So, I’m definitely continuing with this process to see if I can create/manifest the potential I saw with using my mind’s reminder system supportively and self-directively.